The Companion Who Carries Me

My wedding day could not be any clearer then if it had happened today. In fact, it is probably better that it happened 27 years ago because I can remember things form then and not information from today. There she was right in front of me, the most amazing woman in the world and I had just promised to be with her through all the good all the bad and all the ugly. Yes even bad hair days and there have been a few of those.

Little did we know that the first 10 years of our marriage would be so full of so many wonderful mountain and so many difficult valleys. Not for our relationship, in fact our relationship only grew stronger because of the challenges. In 10 years we lost both Krishna's parents, a dear friend and I had brain and spine surgery. It was also 10 years that saw 2 babies born and so much joy added to our lives.

For my wife Krishna these times must have been a major challenge as she was forced to say farewell to parents, hello to babies and then watch as I went through my medical troubles. She was asked once how she survived and she simply said "God!" That's my girl.

That was many years ago and today life is different. The kids are older, one in college, one going into the Police Academy and one a 15 year old social butter fly. They are  the center of universe for Kris and I and we love all the challenges bring.

It is no secret that My Journey is different now then it was all those years ago but really it is the same. Back then I had head aches, dizzy spells and trouble walking. Today I have headaches, body aches, trouble walking, shaking and memory loss. Its kind of different except one thing....GOD!

Two nights ago Krishna came to me after reading my blog. She had big crocodile tears on her checks and she just softly said "This illness will not go away will it?" You see all those years ago with my past medical there was the surgery to improve things and possibly make it all go away but with Parkinson's there is no REAL solution.

She said I was reading that this will be with us forever and I am scared. I simply replied "I am not." I have an ace in the hole I have you and God. I have a blessing in that God made me a partner that is willing to travel this journey. In fact I even said to Kris "Do you want out?' Of course she looked at me with those beautiful eyes and said "NO WAY!'

Too often we forget about all those impacted when someone is given a challenge like cancer, Parkinson's or whatever life may serve up. Everyday I have people say "How are you today?" " How do you feel today'" But often we forget to check on the others impacted by the struggles. The family members. We must remember when we pray for those in need that we pray for all those around them as well. I feel when I am being prayed for and it helps but that night I realized when I pray for a friend in need I need to also pray for their support team of family and friends.

I have an amazing support team but they need to be lifted up as well because caring for me and putting up with me can be a challenge of its own. These friends and family need to be carried on their journey as well. The journey that have chosen to take with me is the journey of their life that needs Gods love and support.

Here is the other part......

You know for years I have lived very carefully. No jumping, lifting, running, hoping, skipping, swinging, the list goes on forever. The doctors say it will make you hurt, could cause more damage and it may shorten your life. Yesterday I was asked to go to the lake with Mike and Maria Hines. Mike and Maria are friends that watch over us, laugh with us, cry with us and understand that I am not perfect.

I just realized some out there may not have known that I am not perfect. SURPRISE!!!!!!

Anyway as I am sitting on the boat for a day planned watching other people swim, jump and tube I thought wait a minute. I can set here in the heat and watch everyone have fun and tonight I will hurt. Tomorrow I will hurt. It will never end. Then it hit me.

I cant die and go to heaven if I haven't lived!

Then I remembered this verse.

Then I jumped into the cool water of the lake. I even rode the tube for about 20 minutes. Yes I hurt last night, I hurt today and I will hurt tomorrow but I lived.

 We call it Olympic synchronized downhill boat gymnastics. It felt good to laugh, it felt good to fall down and know that even though I would be hurting I lived. And my kids had a moment with Dad of laughter and fun.  

So the road may take us through valleys and onto mountain tops. Heck some days it takes us right through the middle of a lake but guess what? God is there in all those places wet or dry hurting or not he is there to carry you and love you and yes keep you from drowning in all that life gives you and your traveling companions. So tonight when you pray, pray for those on the journey with you and with me. All those family and friends who are facing the struggle with us for they make life worth living.

But mostly I ask that you pray for these feet. the big ones and the little ones too. For those little feet next to me belong to a woman with an amazing heart and those little feet carry a big load each day when I am making "My Journey."

God Loves you and so do I. 

Our Challenging Journey

Its a hot July evening at 5:00 and my Dad has just gotten home from a long week of work and we are ready to go. Yes the trip is about to begin he has worked all day in the heat and now we are all ready to make a trip to see relatives in the far away place called Oregon. As we scramble to load bags of clothes and pillows and blankets into the car we are full of giggles and excitement but I am sure Dad must be tired.

Soon the Pontiac is loaded and while the sun shines mom reads to us one of many books she will read over the years. As darkness settles into the car so does the realization that there are a lot of people crammed into this vehicle. The night is sultry and in the distance a storm is brewing. As lightening flashes we move through the night headed to our destination and not knowing what lies ahead of us.

Every journey was different. Some went smoothly and others may have a flat tire, road side repair or someone always needing a rest stop. There were hungry kids to feed, diapers to change and naps to be taken. But we made it from one point to the next without major incident because God was our captain.

I spoke about this the other day with Noah but think about all the journeys we take in our life. Often we pray at the start for safety, pray for protection in times of trouble but most often we forget to thank God for his protection after we arrive safe. Each journey starts differently and ends differently. Some can be just a day journey while others can last a whole life time time in the end we look back and can say "Thank God I made it."

One of the great metaphors of the Bible is “the journey.” The Bible is filled with journey upon journey. From Genesis to Revelation, Scripture is full of people on the move.  Moses moves for many years on a journey, until his people make it to the Promised Land. Many generations later, Abraham’s descendants journey from slavery and oppression in Egypt into the land of Israel. David travels to defeat Goliath.

Joseph and Mary journey to Bethlehem for what will become a journey that we will all remember. The wise men will journey to meet the new savior and then they will journey in the middle of the night to avoid the King so they can protect the baby Jesus. Then Joseph and Mary will take their child in the cover of darkness to Egypt and then to Israel and then to Nazareth. The journey for Jesus will never really end for his love for us carries him from village to village sharing Gods love.

It is interesting to me that all these years later My Journey touches their journeys and yours and the journey of others and eventually we are walking step by step  with each other.  It is fascinating really how we talk of journeys that took place and journeys yet to come.

Jesus's journey was more then just a walk about, it was a journey of love and understanding. It is a journey of a child sent from his father to live in the flesh only to be crucified and carry our sins away and save our souls so that you and I can enjoy eternity.

Like many of our journeys it had its bad days and good days. Think of this, My Journey has had some very rocky roads as has many of yours. But we have had some great adventures. Along the way we get battered and bruised and in the end we may look different. I wasn't born with grey hair, bad hearing, a bad back and Parkinson's. Sometimes I look like a prize fighter but often I look like I have been drug through the rubble of a rock quarry. We all do.

Think of Christs last journey. There he is hanging on a cross. He is bloodied from the beating he has taken. His body is a mess and the pain must be beyond our comprehension. But God looks down and he does not see the body covered in blood and broken but instead he can see the soul of a man and that soul, that heart is beautiful.

So today you may feel broken. You make look in the mirror and think "man I need to lose a few pounds" or you may be bent over with a bad back. Your body may be weak from fighting a disease or you may just be tired and worn out. God doesn't look at all of that. He is not judging any of that and we should not either.

When God looks down he wants to see a loving well exercised heart. He wants to see a glowing soul that even when you have made mistakes and faltered you started your journey over and tried again and you have forgiven others. You have loved those who are the hardest to love.

You see all the journeys and flat tires and souvenirs we collect along the way mean nothing if we forget to collect memories of love, kindness and forgiveness. They mean nothing if we forget to travel with God instead trying to do it our own way. OUR WAY DOES NOT WORK!

So tomorrow you will start a new journey and you should invite God along for the ride. This time however ask him to drive. This time ask him to pick the radio station. This time remember to thank him for the blessings from the start to the end. Remember bad things will still happen but with God the lesson will be of value and your soul in the end will be happier that he carried your load.

We all to travel through this life but remember so did Jesus and he made it. We have the same power in us that he had in him. I have that same power in me and each day I will carry it with me as I make "My Journey."

God Loves you and So do I!

The Captain Of My Ship

As a kid we lived in what seemed to be the middle of no where and the middle of paradise. We had the whole world to run free in. There was Grandpa's Ranch, the old golf course,  the trails to the mountain and of course the banks of so many creeks empty and full. As the cool school days of April turned to the warm days of May a kid can get pretty restless. I would sit in class and watch the hand of the clock crawl to a slow motion. So slow it seemed like it was going back wards. Then June would arrive and soon the long days of July and the dog days of August would finally come. 

We hit the outdoors before the sun and only come home long after mom turned on the porch light. There was so much to do and see and explore. It never got old especially when you have your brothers and trusty old lab cocoa by your side. We built forts in the trees, played war, tracked the wild animals like a mountain man and fished every chance we got. Late in the summer the black berries hung sweet and no matter how many times the thorns attacked us we still came home with black hands and faces from eating our fill of natures delicious fruit.

The best part of our childhood was when we got our great ideas to be creative. I remember one hot summer day we were bored and decided we should build a raft just like Huck and Tom and we could sail it in our moms Koa pond. We had seen big ships float so no worries about how big it might be we knew it would float. So we gathered railroad ties, old ply wood and a ton of 16 penny nails to build the greatest raft that would ever set sail in that pond. I did not know much about physics, engineering or construction but it looked good.

The biggest challenge was getting to the pond. Talk about heavy. Once we got it on the bank my brother decided he would push it real hard and I would jump on to keep it steady. Great plan! So he pushed, I jumped and I sunk! As I sunk I looked at my brother and he had that You are such an idiot look on his face. There I went me and HMS Hamilton sinking in dirty water and deep black mud that sat on the bottom of the pond. So much for cool and refreshing. 

It took many years to try and figure our what went wrong after all Noah built a bigger boat and filled it with every animal under the sun and it floated. But you have to think Noah had a better boat designer, leader and spiritual designer. I had a brother that looked at me like I was crazy. I love that look. He still gives it to me all the time.

Think about this the world was over run by wicked people. The entire population was evil and wicked and people were robbing each other, being rude and and some men no longer opened doors for woman. It was awful. Some people even were texting while they were driving. God looked down and thought this has got to stop! 

But God found favor in Noah. Noah was man that was well over 500 year old and he was to tired to be wicked and the whole texting thing??? Noah did not even have a cell phone. So God called out to Noah. That had to be scary There Noah was sitting in the patio drinking lemonade and a booming voice calls out to him. At first he thought I already took out the trash what can she possibly need now?' But then Noah realized it was a real big voice. 

So God said to Noah, "I am going to put an end to all the people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them. I am surely going to destroy both of them and the earth. So make yourself an ark of Cypress wood; make rooms in it and coat it with pitch inside and out. This is how it should be built: The ark is to be 300 cubits long, and 50 cubits wide and 30 cubits high. Make a roof for it, leaving below the roof an opening one cubit high all around. Put a door in the side of ark and make a lower, middle and upper decks. I am going to bring floodwaters on the earth and destroy all life under the heavens, every creature that has breath of life in it. Everything on earth will perish. But I will establish a covenant with you, and you will enter the ark-you and your sons and your wife and your sons wives with you. You are to bring into the ark two of all living creatures, male and female, to keep them alive with you. Two of every kind of bird, of every kind of animal and every kind of creature that moves along the ground will come to you to be kept alive. You are to take every kind of food that is to be eaten and store it away for you and them."

God asked Noah if he had any questions and Noah said yes 2:

1. Are you sure about this?

2. What is a cubit?

Well God was sure about it and Noah set out for the next 120 years getting ready for the storm. I built a boat in a few hours and it sunk and I ended up stinky and muddy. I am sure Noah had many hard days and I bet the towns people thought he was crazy. Imagine how lonely, scared and worried Noah was but he kept his focus on God and he trusted him. I sure there days he was muddy and wet but Noah was a faithful man.

We all know what happened next. It rained! It really rained. God rained down and all things under heaven was destroyed. But in the end God sent a rainbow to remind us he loves us. This is a story of how God really loves us. I know that may sound crazy to some because God destroyed the earth but he did it because he wanted us to be reminded that we need to turn away from evil and trust in him. In all we do we should seek him and his wisdom and guidance. 

You know I started this Blog My Journey to talk about Parkinson's and each day I am reminded that without God My Journey would be a horrible road trip. Take today, I woke up in awful pain. I had not slept much, my body ached and my medicine only made me gag all morning. I could not miss work after all it was the first day of school and I LOVE those kids at my school. They give me energy and hope to fight this battle. I felt like I was in a lonely dark place and I have to admit a little frightened. But remember how Noah must have felt?

What could I do? I laid it all at the cross and asked God to place his shield in front of me. AND HE DID. Was it easy? NO! But it was easier. Why Because I am so loved by an amazing God. I have an amazing support system of family, friends and co workers. Isn't life absolutely AMAZING!

You see everyday we can build a ship that sinks and we can look like an idiot or we can build a ship and have it sink and say "Thank God I did not drowned'. We must remember that in our life there are dark days and there are muddy waters but God is with us.

So tomorrow you might get muddy. But ask God to sail with you and as you do look for me because I will be making my way along the rivers of life and my captain will be God. I will be watching for his promise in the rainbow. He promises to always be there and he is leading the way for me as I make "My Journey."

GOD LOVES YOU AND SO DO I!

Peace Be with you!

Trouble With The Curve

I am sitting on the front porch with grandpa and we are listening to the ball game on his small radio. It is a hot August afternoon and from where I am sitting I can see the blue sky, smell the tar weed and hear the quail calling to each other in the field between his house and ours. My imagination is deep into the world far away on that radio. I can hear the announcer describe the day they are having at the ball park, in the background I can hear the fans and I can smell the dirt of the infield. Suddenly the batter strikes out and grandpa slaps his knee. "He always has trouble with the curve ball. He will never make it if he can't hit the curve ball. That's just like life." (Sounds like a Clint Eastwood movie)

Grandpa is wearing his tan pants and a white t-shirt. He gets up and wanders off to move the sprinkler in the yard and leaves me with my thoughts. What is a curve ball I wonder. At five years old that is a big question and as long ago as it was I remember it just like yesterday. Later, I would ask grandpa what a curve ball was and as he is letting the calf graze on the lawn he slowly explains the differences in pitches.

To the average person this is small talk but remember this is my grandpa and at five years old this is an important moment in life. He explains that pitching is different then just throwing the ball and hoping the batter misses it. The pitcher learns to hold the ball different ways so that he can throw different pitches and trick the batter. The more prepared he is the better he will do. Its the batters job to learn to hit those different pitches.

Fast forward some almost 50 years, I am sitting chatting with a friend the other day and he said "you know life can be going along just great and then God throws you a curve." I said "No life throws the curves and God catches or hits them for you."

Isn't it true about most of our troubles? We are cruising along and something happens and we blame God. That is not how it works. Life might throw you different situations but if you are prepared like the batter in the ball game you will be a better hitter.

Too often life gives us challenges and what do we do? We either blame God or ask for his help. I am here to tell you its better to ask for help and it is even easier to know how to do that if you have a relationship with God. You might get in an accident, have the flu, cut your finger or any million other things that could happen. You can blame God or turn to him. It is not Gods fault we have challenges but he is there to help us through them.

So today in my own way I am going to try and describe how this all works. At least how it all works in my mind.

So in the beginning God made man and he called him Adam which means man. Makes sense right? Then God put man in this beautiful garden and said as long as you behave you will never have to water and pull weeds. Adam said "God what are weeds?"

So Adam was content until one day he was talking to God and he said " God it kinda gets lonely in this pretty garden." So God said "Well Adam I can give you an amazing creature. That will be your partner and friend but it will cost you an arm and a leg." Adam thought about this and then said "What can I get for a rib?"

So along came Eve. God said " Now Eve you can stay in the Garden forever but you can't eat the apple from that tree." Well of course one day a snake told Eve that the apples were great and she ate one. Ever since then man has been pulling weeds, dragging hoses and killing gophers. Its kind of true! Really, once the apple was bitten sin enter the world.

Man was warned but God loved us enough that he gave us choices. He still does. Each day we have choices to make. How do I pay the bills? Should I ask that girl out in my math class? Do I exercise? ETC No matter the decision big or small we have choices to make. Sometimes we make good decisions sometimes we don't do so good.

When paying bills the stack of medical ones can look big. The girl in the math class can look great but who is she really? The best way to make decisions...Pray first. Put it in Gods hands. The bible says:

Isaiah 26:4
Trust in the lord forever; he will always protect you.

I get this question all the time..."How do you get through the tough times?" Easy I have a great support system and I put it in GODS HANDS. I may not get the answers the way I want, the road may not go the direction I want it to and it might not turn out the way I want. However, In the long run it is better. We may not see it at first but in Gods hands we are safe. We can hit the curve ball. The stack of bills eventually will go away, the girl in the math class makes a great wife and the cut on your hand will heal and teach you that people who shake with Parkinson's should think twice about using sharp knives.

Yes we ALL struggle with our daily issues. You know mine. I try to hide them but I stumble and people see the challenge before me. We all stumble. Yes I have Parkinson's Disease. Yes I feel awful and achy. Not all the time. So I don't focus on those things instead I place it in Gods hands and I let him bring me peace.

Life will always throw me curves. It will also throw me sliders, change ups and fastballs. Isn't that great. I never know what to look for but it keeps me looking and waiting and excited. It keeps me focused. So I will keep my eye on the ball and live my life inning by inning as I make "My Journey."

This is my Grandpa Elmer. I miss him all the time and someday when
 I get to heaven I am going to run into his arms and bury my face in his neck.