The Companion Who Carries Me

My wedding day could not be any clearer then if it had happened today. In fact, it is probably better that it happened 27 years ago because I can remember things form then and not information from today. There she was right in front of me, the most amazing woman in the world and I had just promised to be with her through all the good all the bad and all the ugly. Yes even bad hair days and there have been a few of those.

Little did we know that the first 10 years of our marriage would be so full of so many wonderful mountain and so many difficult valleys. Not for our relationship, in fact our relationship only grew stronger because of the challenges. In 10 years we lost both Krishna's parents, a dear friend and I had brain and spine surgery. It was also 10 years that saw 2 babies born and so much joy added to our lives.

For my wife Krishna these times must have been a major challenge as she was forced to say farewell to parents, hello to babies and then watch as I went through my medical troubles. She was asked once how she survived and she simply said "God!" That's my girl.

That was many years ago and today life is different. The kids are older, one in college, one going into the Police Academy and one a 15 year old social butter fly. They are  the center of universe for Kris and I and we love all the challenges bring.

It is no secret that My Journey is different now then it was all those years ago but really it is the same. Back then I had head aches, dizzy spells and trouble walking. Today I have headaches, body aches, trouble walking, shaking and memory loss. Its kind of different except one thing....GOD!

Two nights ago Krishna came to me after reading my blog. She had big crocodile tears on her checks and she just softly said "This illness will not go away will it?" You see all those years ago with my past medical there was the surgery to improve things and possibly make it all go away but with Parkinson's there is no REAL solution.

She said I was reading that this will be with us forever and I am scared. I simply replied "I am not." I have an ace in the hole I have you and God. I have a blessing in that God made me a partner that is willing to travel this journey. In fact I even said to Kris "Do you want out?' Of course she looked at me with those beautiful eyes and said "NO WAY!'

Too often we forget about all those impacted when someone is given a challenge like cancer, Parkinson's or whatever life may serve up. Everyday I have people say "How are you today?" " How do you feel today'" But often we forget to check on the others impacted by the struggles. The family members. We must remember when we pray for those in need that we pray for all those around them as well. I feel when I am being prayed for and it helps but that night I realized when I pray for a friend in need I need to also pray for their support team of family and friends.

I have an amazing support team but they need to be lifted up as well because caring for me and putting up with me can be a challenge of its own. These friends and family need to be carried on their journey as well. The journey that have chosen to take with me is the journey of their life that needs Gods love and support.

Here is the other part......

You know for years I have lived very carefully. No jumping, lifting, running, hoping, skipping, swinging, the list goes on forever. The doctors say it will make you hurt, could cause more damage and it may shorten your life. Yesterday I was asked to go to the lake with Mike and Maria Hines. Mike and Maria are friends that watch over us, laugh with us, cry with us and understand that I am not perfect.

I just realized some out there may not have known that I am not perfect. SURPRISE!!!!!!

Anyway as I am sitting on the boat for a day planned watching other people swim, jump and tube I thought wait a minute. I can set here in the heat and watch everyone have fun and tonight I will hurt. Tomorrow I will hurt. It will never end. Then it hit me.

I cant die and go to heaven if I haven't lived!

Then I remembered this verse.

Then I jumped into the cool water of the lake. I even rode the tube for about 20 minutes. Yes I hurt last night, I hurt today and I will hurt tomorrow but I lived.

 We call it Olympic synchronized downhill boat gymnastics. It felt good to laugh, it felt good to fall down and know that even though I would be hurting I lived. And my kids had a moment with Dad of laughter and fun.  

So the road may take us through valleys and onto mountain tops. Heck some days it takes us right through the middle of a lake but guess what? God is there in all those places wet or dry hurting or not he is there to carry you and love you and yes keep you from drowning in all that life gives you and your traveling companions. So tonight when you pray, pray for those on the journey with you and with me. All those family and friends who are facing the struggle with us for they make life worth living.

But mostly I ask that you pray for these feet. the big ones and the little ones too. For those little feet next to me belong to a woman with an amazing heart and those little feet carry a big load each day when I am making "My Journey."

God Loves you and so do I.