Storms Of The Soul

The Lord will be a refuge and a hiding place from the storm and the rain.

Isaiah 4:6

As a child I could lay for hours and watch  the afternoon thunderheads that slowly rose over the Sierra Nevada mountains. It happens most warn days as the warm summer air makes its way east it collides with the cool mountain air and large billowing white clouds raise up into the atmosphere.

As a kid I could lay on the lawn for hours and watch the clouds and pretend they looked like different things. I saw elephants, lions, mickey mouse and horses. I also saw angels, bears and I always saw God.

Late in the evening the clouds would turn brilliant colors at sunset.Gold, orange and pink. It reminded me of fall, ice cream and cotton candy. By the way have you ever made cotton candy. I did recently and it is not so easy. I was making it with a friend and it was all over the place. In our hair, in our eye brows and even on the ceiling. Fun times.

If you are  lucky and the clouds make their way done the hill you have wonderful afternoon thunder storm.The storms can be fierce. Loud thunder, down pours of rain and lightening. Tree limbs break, the wind roars and the water washes away the dirt that is blowing in the air. Its a storm of amazing magnitude and if you are lucky you can stand right in the middle of all the excitement and dance in the warm storm as mother nature rains down on its earth and cleans it up and causes change. The air is pure, the dead limbs are gone and sometimes wild fires start.

Life can be like this. Some of us can have an occasional storm while others fight daily storms that challenge them completely. The amazing thing is we do not always know the storms that others face. Why? Well there are many reasons some keep it personal, some use an umbrella and block the rain and wind and kind of hide there in that safety net and yet there are others who stand in the middle of the storm and dance.

Some days I hide under an umbrella and keep my troubles to myself and use the umbrella like Gods shield as a way to keep my pain and worries to myself. It is amazing how God can protect us in our time of frustration and loss. I get frustrated because I can't always do the things I used to do. My body is not as strong as it once was and when I try to do yard work or physical labor I really hurt later and pay for it dearly. It takes longer to complete projects and there are even projects I cant attempt to start because I don't want to face the hurting back, throbbing hip pain or the leg pain that I know will follow the simplest  of tasks.

Then there are the days I say heck with it and I dance in the storm. I just throw it all to the wind and go for it. Does it hurt? Yup! Do I loose sleep? Absolutely. Then why do I do it? Partly because I am really stubborn, I get that from my Dad, and I want to get projects done. The other reason is I don't want to give in to reality. The reality that I have limits and I have to face it.

The days that I over do it and find myself suffering from the pain and challenges I feel this storm deep inside my soul. A storm of frustration and confusion. The wind moves through my mind and erases memories. It erases things I need to remember. That is the Parkinson's. It is a storm that is not always visible, but for me, it is always there. Always in my soul.

Jesus calms our storms, even the wind and the rain obeys him

Matthew 8:26

So what do I do? How do I survive? How do I not allow it to consume me? I turn it over to God. It is that easy. I have Parkinson's disease it does not have me. Really it does not. If I was to sit and worry or sit and let it control me then the disease wins. Instead, I came to the realization that Parkinson's may cause challenges but GOD can overcome.

So if the disease progresses then God is in control. No matter the challenges I travel with God and I weather the storm and I write blogs and I help those in my community in ways that I can give to them so they can overcome obstacles. No matter how much mobility or memory I lose I still have words and on days that it is challenging to type, like tonight, I will type slower. For the words give me peace. They calm me and give my mind and my soul an avenue to share with you the love I have for you, God and my life that I have been blessed with.

There will always be storms and as I watch the wind blow the leaves from their branches and out into the world I realize that the winds of life are an obstacle that wants to challenge us and the leaves are us as we float through the air and through life twisting and turning.

And one day when old age has settled into my body and my arms and legs no longer do as they are told I will know that my life on this earth has neared its end.

Slowly, the cold wind will erase the memories that are locked away deep in my mind and they will be lost forever. But the memories that God has placed in my heart will continue to live on. Forever. My heart will hold memories of a community that has carried me, friends that have blessed me and family that has loved me.

Most importantly it will hold the sounds of my children's laughter. It hold memories of two beautiful daughters and an amazing son. It will hold the memory of the greatest blessing that God ever gave me. And though my mind will forget my heart will remember. It will remember long sunny days, warm spring rains and fields of wildflowers.

All these memories of warm days, summer rain storms and  beautiful pictures but none will match the memory I have of my loving wife. A wife with a sunny smile, a warm heart and beauty that is unmatched. My heart will remember that loving smile, her gentle touch and how her hand fit so perfectly in mine as I made my way on "My Journey."