I WAITED

  

                                                Husbands love your wife 
                                                                         Ephesians 5:25 


Editors Note: My sweet wife is out of state this week and I just wanted to write down what I was thinking. I questioned if it was to personal to share but realized my life is one big share. So here it is. 


I waited when the alarm went off for you to nudge me to turn it off. The nudge did not come. Two times I pushed snooze but still no nudge. Instead, just a blaring radio on a hot summer day.

I waited for you to stir quietly from your sleep. Stretch, yawn and kiss my cheek on the way to your shower. To run your fingers up my arm like little kisses from your sweet mouth. I waited for you to open those beautiful eyes so I could look into them and find love and compassion.  There was no tossing of the blankets. No kiss. No morning hug.

I waited to hear you grind the coffee for your morning dose of energy. I listened for the water to fill the coffee pot, and the smell of your flavor of the day. I heard nothing. Smelled nothing.

I waited to hear the shower come on and for you drop the bottle of shampoo on the floor. Its funny the things I wait for to know that your moving through your morning routine and that you are alright. The water never came on. The shampoo bottle sat safe in its spot on the shelf.

I waited for you to come into the bed room with your cup of coffee and sit on the end of the bed to dry your hair. I waited for the hair dryer as my cue to slide to the end of the bed and curl around you so you could lean against me and we could share that peaceful moment. I would pray for your day as I watched you get ready for your day. I still prayed for you but they were words only God and I would hear.

I waited for you to come into the room and turn on the sink water and burn me as I took my shower and then you would leave and turn off the light forgetting I needed it to see. Instead, I stood there in the running water missing you. Even with the light on it still felt dark.

I waited for your text throughout the day. The morning one that simply says "I HEART U", the noon one that says "Take your meds" and the 3:00 one that says your getting Faith at school. Instead, I was left to remember these things for myself.

I waited for you at the dinner table. I wanted to hear about your day and hear the stories of the silly things you may have done or said at work. Instead, I turned the TV on and watched nothing. I hate the feeling of nothing.

I waited to hold your hand and kiss your soft lips. I wanted to feel your body with mine and hold the edge of your night shirt as I fell asleep. It brings me peace and comfort and reminds me that the world is good and whole and kind. In the moon light I could see nothing but an empty pillow.

I waited in the middle of the night for you to come find me wondering the house in sleepless pain. I waited for you to softly ask if I am alright and if I need anything. Instead, I wondered alone with no whispers in the dark just the thoughts of life and you in my head. Even when I am troubled my thoughts are of you and they bring me comfort.

I waited so long for you that when you are gone I am hopeless. I am only a shell of myself. I am not even half of us because you make up so much more then half. You are the better portion of my life, our marriage and you make me a better man.

I waited for God to bring you to me and now I will wait until he brings you back. Then I will be complete. Then I will have peace and then I can continue "My Journey".