A Body In Motion

When I was in school I never took a typing class as I pretty much figured that typewriters would become a thing of the past and well I was correct. Now late at night I hen and peck my way through these blogs and guess what? It is much more difficult when you are shaking with Parkinson's.

As I look back on the last few weeks of my life there is so much to say about what my body and my mind have secretly and silently endured. I feel like I have been through the valley pictured above. I took this picture a few years ago and in some way I feel like I have slowly walked around that mountain in the distant looking for answers to questions that maybe should never be asked. 

In my mind I have watched those clouds blur my memory and I have stumbled over those rocks and in the frustration of it all I have tried to yell above the storm that rages in my body. During it all  enduring a pain, frustration and disease that can so often look invisible to the world but be so real in my body.

Just today, I was sharing with someone that if I was sitting in my chair with my arms crossed you could look at me and you would think I was perfectly fine. Why? Because I can hide it well.  Early this morning as I slept my wife started to rub my back and found that my body was in perfect peace. It concerned her so much she actually checked to see if I was breathing. 

The Parkinson's tremor is what most people first recognize when they see a person with the disease. However it is not always the first symptom. For me one of the first and continued symptoms is the pain that I have discussed before. Include in this achy legs, leg cramps, and leg jerks. My back, hip and leg pain is intense and real. 

The tremor or shaking often start in one hand and, arm, or leg, occurs when you're awake and sitting or standing still (resting tremor), and it gets better when you move that body part. 

Symptoms of Parkinson's disease differ from person to person. They also change as the disease progresses. Symptoms that one person gets in the early stages of the disease, another person may not get until later-or not at all.

It is important to note that most these symptoms are calm while sleeping. But when I can sleep I struggle with horrible REAL night mares and several times I have been woke up by Kris because I am either hitting her or all out punching her while I am asleep. (It is a HORRIBLE feeling knowing I have hit someone I love so much.) 

Below are other challenges that I have been facing in different levels:

•  Stiff muscles (rigidity) and aching muscles. One of the most common early signs of Parkinson's is a reduced arm swing on one side when you walk. This is caused by rigid muscles. Rigidity can also affect the muscles of the legs, face, neck, or other parts of the body. It may cause muscles to feel tired and achy. Your muscles can be slow, limited movement, especially when you try to move from a resting position. For instance, it may be hard to get out of a chair or turn over in bed.

• Weakness of face and throat muscles. It may get harder to talk and swallow. You may choke or cough  Speech becomes softer and monotonous. Loss of movement in the muscles in the face can cause a fixed, vacant facial expression, often called the "Parkinson's mask."

• Difficulty with walking and balance. A person with this disease is likely to take small steps and shuffle with his or her feet close together, bend forward slightly at the waist, and have trouble turning around. Balance and posture problems may cause frequent falls. But these problems usually don't happen until later on.

• Freezing sudden, brief inability to move. It most often affects walking.

So I could get down. Really there have been nights I have sat in my recliner unable to sleep due to the pain and wondering if I wanted to due to the dreams. Just this week I was asked to officiate the funeral of a dear friend and she passed after fighting Parkinson for 20 years. She endured many of the same things I endure now. Is that scary to me? Sometimes.

But here is the truth. She is an example to me as she lived with grace and dignity. I also have a few secret weapons. 

There is a song by Tenth Avenue  North that says:

Questions come and questions go
Was there purpose for the pain?
Did I cry these tears in vain?
I don't want to live in fear
I want to trust that You are near
Trust Your grace can be seen
In both triumph and tragedy

As I walk this great unknown

The bible says:

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

AND HE DOES. 

For as many nights as I have sat in that recliner or paced the halls of this old house in despair and pain I have found peace because I give it all to the God who loves me. The days are challenging and at night I find that their can be things that hide in the dark hours just before dawn. But I am safe and I find that no matter how my body may be challenged my heart knows no fear because I am loved by a savior and he travels with me as I make "My Journey".