Coming Out Of The Dark

I know this blog is about Parkinson's disease but sometimes I just feel like telling a story from my past. I hope I do not bore you. 


I was not yet 6 years old and to me the hole in the side of the mountain looked dark, strange and scary. There were train tracks going into the hole but instead of a train the tracks held a little metal cardboard box with wheels. Grandpa put a metal mixing bowl on his head and said we were going to go into the hole he called a mine. In one hand he had a light and he took my small hand in his large rough hand.

As we made our way into the opening of the mine I stumbled along, sometimes tripping over the train tracks and other times tripping over my own foot. Grandpa slowed his pace so I could keep up with his stride. He was a man of few words but as we made our way through the dark he would tell me about the rocks and the gold he was looking to find in the walls of the mine.

It was dark and the air was cold against my face. The air smelled like iron or rust and somewhere I could hear water dripping. Grandpa turned his light off so I could see the dark. I thought that was strange because I could not see anything in the dark  so I never really got to see the dark. I thought maybe I could see it better once he turned the light back on but he told me the dark disappeared when the light was on. Once he coughed I jumped out of my skin thinking there was a bear in the mine.

When we finally made it way back into the mountain grandpa showed me all the wonderful rocks that had gold in them. He said he had to blast and hammer to get the gold because sometimes you cannot always see it hiding in the rocks. He said that it took a lot of hard work in the dark mine but he enjoyed the work and sometimes he found great treasures in that dark room in the side of a mountain.

Tonight, I wander the dark halls of the house there is a  disease that moves through my body keeping me forever awake and frustrated. As I move down the halls I bump into walls and stumble over my own feet. I hear the sound of the dish washer, fireplace and Kris sleeping peacefully in the other room. There are times that no matter how much light there is I only see darkness. No matter how I reach out I can't find grandpas hand anywhere.

You see grandpa left us one cold December day. But now that I am older there is so much wisdom in his words. I wonder if he meant for me to find the messages I did or if I am over thinking what his simple words in a dark mine meant so many years ago. In that dark mine we looked for treasures and answers to the mysteries that were hidden there.

 Now as I stand in a dark hallway I look at the wall and ask God for the answers to my questions. Some may wonder if God is with them on dark nights like this and if he has the answers they are looking for to all their questions.

Here is the real treasure.....God is there with you. The bible says:

God made two great lights--the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.

Genesis 1:16


So matter how dark our days or our nights are God is the light. HE is the hope and he is the treasure that so many people seem to think is hidden somewhere and cannot be found. But he is easily found anytime. Anywhere. He can turn on a light and the dark will be gone.

God takes my heart where it wants to go. In the dark of night he is there and easy to find all we have to do is call him. He is there and he loves us. The chains of life do not need to control us. The weight of a disease or stress can be broken by his love. All we have to do is call him. He is there.

Sometimes I see a hole in a hill or in the side of a mountain and I stop for a moment to look at the darkness. I can see the cool air, and smell the the iron rich ore as the water drips from the ceiling. Then in the back of the mine I hear a cough and wonder if its a bear. Then I realize that he is not really gone. For his wisdom and his words live in my memory and they carry me as I make "My Journey."