The Long Journey Ahead

When Krishna's Great Grandpa Miotti left Italy he was not aware that his journey would be such a long one. He traveled through France and then he and his children boarded the ship the Pennsylvania in Champs France on July 23, 1908  and headed to the shores of America. I wonder what he must have felt as he arrived at Ellis Island. Great grandpa Miotti was 41, grandpa was 6 and his sister Matilda was 11.

My mothers great grandpa's brother Captain Samuel Stevens Woodruff  boarded a sooner in New Haven Connecticut to San Francisco in 1849 and headed around the the tip of South America. For 155 days he faced dangers of many kinds including storms, illness and of course the Pirates of the  Carribean.

Over the years the Miotti's  journey would take them across America and George would spend his final days in the small town of Tuolumne. Over the years my families journey would take them to the small town of Jamestown. From those two families came one. The family that Krishna and I now call our own. Their journey took many roads, sailed many oceans and traveled through places we will never see but their Journey is now our journey. My Journey.

To think they would take only what they could carry and head into the world to start a life of possibilities and unknowns. Today many never venture 10 miles from home and yet these explorers  traveled here and I have the great life due to their leap of faith. It must have been a leap after all who would load their kids on a boat and end their journey some 7000 miles from where it started.

I am sure like our life it was not easy. For the past several months you have followed "My Journey" and your responses and love have carried Krishna and I through some difficult days and we would never have made it through the years of set backs had it not been for our amazing God. He gives to us grace when we don't deserve it and his love never waivers.

There are days I've taken more than I can give
And there are choices that I made
That I wouldn't make again
I've had my share of laughter
Of tears and troubled times
This is has been the story of my life

So tonight I have new news about my Parkinson. For weeks I have shared that I have been in lots of pain. I try to hide it and not let it slow me down but some days it can really challenge me. Two weeks ago at my appointment with the doctor he became concerned as he felt that  the pain was not from the Parkinson's but something else. So I said "I do not have Parkinson's?" He said "no you most certainly have Parkinson's but there is something else with it. Lets do some tests."

I have won
and I have lost
I got it right sometimes
But sometimes I did not
Life's been a journey
I've seen joy, I've seen regret
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it

So Krishna and I laid it at the cross and I had tests. Then the wait. That is always the hard part the wait. Especially wondering "what can it be?" The doctor was looking for a muscular disease and what else we were not sure. But God is faithful and so we trusted. I remember a time when this would have been way overbearing. When fear could could grip us and we would panic. But not this time. This time I felt peace.

You were there when it all came down on me
When I was blinded by my fear
And I struggled to believe
But in those unclear moments
You were the one keeping me strong
This is how my story's always gone

I have won
and I have lost
I got it right sometimes
But sometimes I did not
Life's been a journey
I've seen joy, I've seen regret
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it
Through all of it

Today we got the answers. No muscular disease. Praise God! 

And this is who You are                                                                                                                                       More constant than the stars up in the sky                                                                                                            All these years of our lives, I                                                                                                                                      I look back and I see You                                                                                                                                      Right now I still do                                                                                                                                                 And I'm always going to

But wait. Then what. Just today I had trouble with so much pain and my legs of late have been so weak and I have been stumbling more. What is the pain from? Why do I stumble? Is it from the Chiari? After all the surgery was to stop the Chiari but I was told that I would for have lingering symptoms. 

You know that moment in time when you are waiting for an important answer and it a seems like the response is far away and that you will never hear the words? Today, I felt like that. Finally, he says "Well for one the tests show arthritis in the back." I was thinking  cool I can live with that. "But that is not what is really causing your problems, we need to do more tests. But this will be fine."

The bible tells us:

Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.

Psalms 27:14

There are times when we can get mad. There are times that we can give up and there are times when we could shout out to God and say why. I could not help but to softly say to the doctor "This will be fine?" 

You must know that my neurologist is a very kind man. He listens to all of my concerns, answers all of our questions and he CALMLY comforts us. He reminded Krishna and I that every Parkinson's patient is different and their daily struggle is different. He said " The symptoms that you thought were from the brain surgery all these years have been from your Parkinson's. The last 10-15 years. It not uncommon for people to have symptoms and not know for years they have Parkinson's. You are like that. All these years you thought you were still struggling from the brain surgery when really you were struggling with the beginning stages of the disease and it was not until it started to worsen that you came in and you were finally diagnosed." 

I have won
and I have lost
I got it right sometimes
But sometimes I did not
Life's been a journey
I've seen joy
I've seen regret
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it

So yes I have Parkinson's and I have arthritis and I have ...well who knows?  God does and he has known all along what I have and what I need. He has been my God through all of this up to this point and he will be my God through all the rest.

Today, I continued  my journey or some could say it started a new or that it went in a different direction. I am not sure what it did but this is what I do know. No matter what happened today and no matter what happens with the next tests and the next set of results God is with us. I just have to always remember to lay all my hope and all my worries in his hands and he will always be there step by step as I take "My Journey."

Peace Be with you God Loves You and So Do I!

A Whisper in The Dark

It is a hot summer night in August 2017 and I am laying awake in bed at about 2:00 in the morning. Not being able to sleep is a normal occurrence for me as I am usually nauseated from my medications, hurting from my Chiari or now Parkinson's and I cannot turn off my mind thinking about everything from work, to family, to bills and all that we allow ourselves to worry about. 

In the dark sky I can see the flashes of lightening as a summer storm is moving through the river canyon behind my house. I am concerned about fires so I reach over to the night stand and grab my hearing aids to see if I can hear the thunder. I figure if I can hear it I can better judge how far away the storm is and know if I should walk out and stand in the storm. There is nothing better then standing in the storm as it passes through the hills where I live. You can feel the wind, see the flashes of lightening and if I am lucky I can hear the thunder. 

My right ear clicks on and I hear very little in the night. I hear the crickets outside the window, I hear the breeze in the trees and I can hear an animal outside moving through the grass. The best sound I hear is Krishna next to me as she peacefully sleeps. I hear her breathing and it comforts me. I move slowly as I try to never wake her. I don't need much sleep but she does and with the challenges in our lives rest is very valuable for her.

Softly, I lean over and whisper in her ear " I love you and I will never leave you." My hope is that somewhere in a  dream she will hear my message of love and she will find peace and happiness in a pleasant dream. Her breathing continues uninterrupted so I know that I have not woken her but my hope is that somehow I reached her.

Slowly, in the dim light of the night I see her hand slide across the blanket and she takes my hand. A calm and peaceful feeling starts in my hand and moves up my arm and into my body. Soon it fills my heart and my soul finds a soothing peace that is so hard to describe. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful marriage with a woman that I so adore. God has given me a true gift.

I find peace and soon I fade into a short sleep that lasts about a half hour. But it is a sleep that is brought on by the comfort and security I feel as I once again realize I am not alone in My Journey. Too often we miss the small signs in life that we are not on this journey alone. We must be still and listen.

In the darkest hours and the storms that we face if we listen we can hear God as he whispers " I love you and I will never leave you." The bible tells us:


Deuteronomy 31:6

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

We often fear God and that is because we do not always understand that he has rules and commandments for us because he loves us. What we must remember is that he gave us a wonderful and loving gift by sending his love to earth to rescue us from the troubles that attack our daily lives and if we reach to him we will find peace. 

What is the storm in your life? Is there thunder or lightening that does not allow you to find peace? If you are reading this blog then you probably know me and know the road that my life has taken. I have had many storms and road blocks that has left me feeling alone and worried and afraid. But then I found God. I know it does not sound that easy but it is. Really, I could decide each day to lay back and say "I cannot do it any more." But Instead I have listened and I have heard that tender whisper in the night from my father that say's " I love you, I am always with you and I will never leave you,"

God did not put me here and then leave me to struggle alone. Instead, he put me here and stays with me. When my body is weak and my load is heavy he fills my soul with peace and strength, It is not my body that will carry me to the next phase in my life but I must remember that it is my soul and it must remain good in my soul. So each day I will wear his armor and he will carry me and strengthen me as I make " My Journey."

There is a name I call in times of trouble
There is a song that comforts in the night
There is a voice that calms the storm that rages
He is Jesus, Jesus

Who walks on the waters
Who speaks to the sea
Who stands in the fire beside me
He roars like a lion
He bled as the lamb
He carries my healing in his hands
Jesus

GOD LOVES YOU AND SO DO I!
Blessings

Running With A Purpose

When I was a kid there was a small mountain between our house and Sonora. Well really its still there, but as a kid it looked really big and massive. In the winter the fog and clouds would hug it keeping it warm and when it did snow the mountain always got white first. During the summer, we would watch it as it dried up and there were s few times when it caught fire and we watched as the helicopters and fire planes dropped their water and pink retardant on the mountain to save it from burning up.

I remember one spring after a week of rain we decided to hike the big mountain. It was wet and cool so Mom said that sweat shirts were to be worn so we pulled them over our heads and off we went for a day on the big mountain in the distance. A day filled with fun, adventure and exploring.

After several hours we were way up there almost half up that big old mountain. We could see forever, I bet we could see all the way to Jamestown. We could hear the train in the Jamestown depot and I could even hear the roar of the trucks on the highway. AMAZING!

After enjoying the view we decided that it would be a good idea to race home. Off we went running through the wet grass, around brush and jumping over logs. We were slipping and sliding all over the place. In no time we were back in the front yard and for the next two hours we would share the stories of our big adventure and the race that ended the day.

As the years passed the adventures would change but they always included running. There was the "J" that Mr. Bergstrom made us run at school, the track we ran at Sonora High and of course the ditch trail at the college. It seemed like life was always a race or I was always running. I even had to run to catch my wife. She could really run!

There were races to win and races against time. Life is full of races, challenges and obsticles. Later my race might be to finish a job at work, a task in college or a race to get to the hospital for the baby to be born. Always a race. Some we win and some...well we don't.

Now I am in a different race well maybe not a race but a challenge the challenge of learning to live with the dailly struggles and challenges that Parkinson's brings into my life. For example, today I got up and my legs and back were just a mess. Nothing but pain. I grab the edge of the closet door to help pull me up and stumble towards the door to the other room. As I straighten up I felt an incredible pain inside my rib cage. It is as if someone had grabbed my lungs and I could not breathe. Its another cramp but this one is not in my legs or my arms but instead is nicely set in my abdomen. NICE! You can't rub those things out.

I thought I would die! There I stood twsiting, turning, stretching and gasping. There was no position I could move to get that stinker to go away. Of course within seconds there was my most trusted companion Krishna trying to help. A calm voice, a soft touch of the hand and soon I was relaxed and slowly the pain eased.

I had a victory. I have to take the ones that I get when I can right. I mean I can't really run anymore and I can't climb a mountain anymore but what I really miss is playing baseball. I even dream about it. I can smell the dirt and the grass. I can hear the crack of the bat and feel the excitement in my legs as I run the bases. I do not think that will ever happen again. But there are always those wonderful dreams. The excitement of victory and the agony of defeat. Life is full of events just like this right?

The bible says:

1 Corinthians 9:24-28

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly, I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

You know what this means? This means that every one wins. Anyone that stays the course with God gets the greatest prize of all. So matter if you are blind, deaf, fighting daily obstacles or even if you are fighting Parkinson's if you stay the course you get the prize.

This is so beautiful. I am always so amazed that God can love us so much that no matter how broken we may be here on earth our prize is a eternity of running and playing baseball. No pain. No losing. Nothing but the smell of dirt and grass and running the bases without pain. Always a victory.

What an amazing love our God has for us. He is so faithful and kind. He is a God that is always beside me. Better yet he is God that always carries me. His angels are with me and he guides me through the daily races, hills and gets me to the finish line of the biggest race of all. He is my life coach and he will forever be with me on "My Journey."

God Loves you and so do I!

Editors Note:

Each night as I type I listen to music. Right now I am listening to Chris Tomlin. In the past I have shared that I listen to Journey, Styx, and John Denver. I love all music but one of my favorites is a man whose southern voice and love songs can calm me and make me focus like no other. In fact, last week I used his lyrics to close my blog. This week that voice was silenced. I won't see him in concert but some day I hope to hear Don Williams sing in heaven. Until then I will forever pray that "Lord I hope This day is Good." Rest in peace. 

But I believe in love I believe in old folks I believe in children and I believe in you
I believe in love, I believe in babies, I believe in mom and dad and I believe in you.

Whom Shall I Fear

Photo: R. Hamilton

Friday, September 1, 2017 was not the best of days for me. First I was awake almost all night hurting badly. My arms were a constant pain and the leg cramps were unending. My morning dose of Parkinson's medication had me gagging within 20 minutes and my stomach turned for the next several hours..

At 7:30 I finally made it out the door headed for work when I realized I would need to move Krishna's car as Dan had just arrived home from grade yard shift and parked behind my truck. I grabbed her keys jumped into my truck an backed right into her car. You heard me right. BAM!

I drug myself into the house and told Kris and all she said was "Its ok! It can be fixed.". Always the understanding wife. I stood there hurting, frustrated and ready to climb back into bed and the person whose car I had just munched told me it was ok.

The day had its ups and downs as there are always challenges at work but as I have said before I have a great team at work. A GREAT TEAM. At the end of day I found myself doing what relaxes me the most these days, watering my yard. There is that mole but that's another story.

Parkinson's is a funny thing. The Parkinson websites say that every person with Parkinson's suffers with different challenges and everyday is different. I am finding this to be true for me and I know in talking to my cousin Sara Claire she says the same for her dad as he suffers with Parkinson's Disease. Everyday is different and everyday has its obstacles.

There are days I wake up feeling great and by 10:00 I feel awful and there are days I wake up feeling awful and by 10:00 I feel great and then there are days I am awful all day. The one thing that remains the same abut the disease is that it is never the same. I could get angry, but why? I could give up but that would be dumb there is to much to push for and I could get biter but I have so much to be joyful about. We all face situations where we are tested and we must find inside of us the truth of who we will trust and who will give our lives to as we look for hope in hard times.

Remember Job? You know the story about the guy who had everything. Let me remind you about the journey that Job had to take. Here is the readers digest version.

The book of Job is the oldest book of the bible and was written possibly by Job himself in 2100 B.C. It is an example of of faithfulness. Satan comes to God and wants to attack Job. God allows but tells satan he cannot kill Job.

Job losses all his children and his possessions his wife even tells him to curse God and commit suicide. ( I am really glad I am not married to that lady.) Job looses everything important to him including his health. He gets bad advice from his friends they even tell Job that he must have really sinned for God to attack him so bad. Yet he stays faithful to God and God blesses him with twice as much as he had before.

You see God does not give us trouble that is not how it works. Evil and sin give us trouble and God gives us love. Think about this. You have heard before that "God so loved the world that he sent his only son."  John 3:16 Take a step back and understand what God did. He sent a precious baby. That baby walked the earth telling us of God's love and faithfulness and in the end of his life on earth he was beaten, whipped and  had to crawl through the streets with a cross on his back. At this point anyone of us would be in critical condition but Jesus must endure even more. He is nailed to that cross and then spends the remainder of his life trying to breath under the weight of his own body hanging on that cross. Then the soldiers, who were very good at their work, stick a shard spear into Jesus and blood and water come pouring out. That water and blood, as medical science says today, must have been from the sack of his heart.

Its not over. Then he goes to fight the devil and then comes back to earth to show us he is alive and waiting for us. NOW THAT IS LOVE! I cannot imagine someone loving me that much but he does and he loves you that much too.

So I had a bad day Thursday. Looks like a cake walk compared to Job and Jesus but in the end the love God gives Jesus and Job is the same love he gives me and you. A love that overcomes all things. We may not always understand why bad things happen but in the end it is all for the glory of God.

So whom Shall I fear? Better yet what shall I fear? How will I survive? Where shall I turn when the road gets difficult? The answers to all these questions are easy. I shall fear no evil or pain or road blocks. I will survive by leaning on my family and friends. Finally, I do not know where this will all take me or where I am going but I know whom I shall turn to. God. He is always with with as I make My Journey.

God Loves You and So Do I.

Laughter is the best medicine. I love to make others laugh.

          

Here is the best meds for me. Safe in the arms of love. My family is my  all and that lady who is always there to hold me in her arms She is my rock.

I've spent my life looking for you
Finding my way wasn't easy to do
I know there was your all the while
And its been worth every mile

So lay down beside me
Love me and hide me
Kiss all the hurting of this world away
Hold me so close that I feel your heartbeat
And don't ever wander away

Mornings and evenings all were the same
And there was no music till I heard your name
But I knew when I saw you smile
Now I can rest for awhile

So lay down beside me
Love me and hide me
Kiss all the hurting of this world away
Hold me so close that I feel your heartbeat
And don't ever wander away

And don't ever wander away......