You Won't Let Go!

Editors Note: Remember I have Parkinson's it is hard to type and keep my thoughts straight. So please do not judge my grammar, spelling and sentence structure. Please just enjoy the message and the Journey. Also, Krishna and I will be making an announcement 4/1/2018. IT WILL BE GREAT!

When I started My Journey with Parkinson's I did not know where I was going, at that point I did not even realize where I had been. To me the diagnosis was something that was new but then we found out I had actually had the disease for sometime. Now a year later I am amazed how much my life has changed due to this disease and I am especially amazed at how much I have struggled in the last three weeks.

When I look back at the year I have had many changes. I have lost 50 pounds. I keep getting told I look great but I sure feel awful. I look like I have aged 10 years in three weeks. I do not sleep well at all and when I do I have horrible dreams. Most of them very scary. My pain is great, my mind is confused and I feel lost in a world I used to control.

The greatest sadness for me is watching Krishna struggle with this disease. She has to rub out the leg pain. She has to remind me to take my meds. She has to now do the tasks I used to do and her tasks to. So who is this disease really attacking? She is a real trooper and I am more in love with her now then ever before.

This evening while waiting for Faith to come out of the Sonora/Summerville game Kris and I took a walk downtown in Sonora. That in itself is a challenge. Yes I shuffle, stumble and at times look and feel foolish. We could get angry but we laugh.

The nice part about the evening is running into friends and chatting and getting hugs of encouragement. Of course we are ALWAYS asked how people can help. We never have an answer. How does one really answer that question? I hope I can answer it here.

For our friends and family who always say  how can we help? Or Will you let me know what I can do? Tonight I have an answer.

Pray! It really is that easy. I know some of you want a better answer but that really is the answer. Pray for the doctors this Monday to give us a new direction that feels like I am winning. Pray for rest. and peace of mind. Not just for me but for my family.

I know this is not want some of you want to hear. You want me to say mow the lawn, haul my trash or  weed eat. Well heck you can do that too! ....... Just kidding. I Really need you to Pray. The power of pray can move mountains. it even says so in the bible. Look in the book of Matthew.

Call Kris and give her encouragement. Just today Keith Eichenberger called all the way from Arkansas. That met the world to me. Words of encouragement, a voice of hope in a world that is screaming confusion.There was the text from Trisha Carr. Words that mean more to me then can ever be imagined. Life long friends holding hands with Kris and I as we make this Journey.

Then there is this question...Are you scared? Sometimes. I am scared of endless pain. I am scared of not walking. I am scared of snakes. I am scared of the world running out of pizza. Mostly I am scared of this disease robbing me of my memory.

My fear is easily removed as the bible tells me:

Fear not for I am with you do not be dismayed for I am your God.
Isaiah 41:10

So you see if I get scared I can turn to God. If I can't walk I will turn to God as he carries me. Finally, when my mind forgets God will see to it that my heart will remember. God will carry me, think for me and love me the whole way as I make My Journey.

Worn

Tenth Avenue North

I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
'Cause I'm worn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven so come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn
Yeah I'm worn