Hope in Hard Times

As I ran through the wet grass of the cow pasture I could feel the morning dew coming through the holes of my shoes. My brother George was in front of me and my cousin Keith was behind me. We were running for the barn because Grandpa's Ewe had had lambs over night. We spent the day climbing rocks, helping grandpa and riding the cow.

Suddenly, it is 6:30 a.m. and I am brought out of my dream by the nurse who has come in with my morning shots. First one into the IV and then she says she will need to give me one in the stomach and it will hurt. As she pulled up my gown I said "I had one last night and it was not too bad." She said "well this one will be" and she hit the needle into my stomach full force. I was floored. About then a nurse walked in and he asked what was wrong. I told him what had happened and he said that some had better manners then others.

I asked if I could sit and watch the news in the chair so the nurse helped me out of bed and into the chair. He said before I watched TV he wanted me to know that there was terrible news and did not want me to be upset. "Yesterday while you were in surgery there was a terrible shooting in a school in Colorado'' For me April 20 would always be the anniversary of my brain surgery but for America it would be the anniversary of the Columbine shootings.

In a few minutes I heard Krishna come in the door. She said my name in almost a surprised startled voice. I turned my head and looked at her and said "good morning honey." She said "Don't turn your head like that." I turned my head back and said "Why?' " Because I can see it from back here and I don't want to mess up all this surgical repair." Surgical repair? Wow I loved when she talked so educated like that.

The nurse let Kris know that the movement was alright and then he told her about the night before.That went over well. Next thing I knew my wife was a upset that I was going back into surgery and no one had called her. I said "In my defense they would not tell me where the phone was." I got the look so I kept silent after that. The nurse was apologetic and Krishna calmed down. In his defense he was not there that night.

The doctor came in and let us know that they had not used cadaver in my surgery but instead they used  bovine pericardium tissue. This tissue is from the lining of a cows heart. He asked if I had any questions. Well of course I did. Will I have a sudden sensation to moo? He gave me the Krishna look. He said I needed to remember that the surgery repaired the issue but I would still have ongoing and possible life long challenges and issues. For example, I would still have headaches and he did not know to what degree. I would still have paralysis issues, arm numbing issues and neuropathy. Again he could not know to what severity.

He explained the following:

" We had to chisel the top vertebra in order to make the cut in your skull. Since your brain tonsil was sitting so close to the opening the danger was clipping the tonsil. The other danger was clipping the brain stem itself. Since your spine was somewhat bent and closing the cord could be tethered and the long term affects not known for sometime."
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The doctor had told me I could be in the hospital for a very long time and I did not plan on making that a a reality. In fact, my plan was one week and I knew that in order to do that I needed to walk without problems. Well that was a problem because I was dizzy. I spent most of the first day resting and taking a few short walks to the door of the room.

The next morning I walked the hallway and as the doctor arrived I informed him it was check out time. He said you can't go home until you have rested and walked. I said that made no sense as I can't rest if I am walking. Plus there were sick people at his hospital and at home there was warm spring air. No germs. I went home that day.

As I stood at the doorway of my hospital room, in my mind, I was a bit apprehensive as I was leaving the comfort and security of knowing that the nurses and doctors were close by, now they would be several hours away. Then I remembered two things:

1. Dr. Borgquist was a few minutes from home and
2 God was in control.

Deuteronomy 31:6

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

We were off for home. Over the next many weeks we would rely on my family and friends as well as the amazing support of our community to help us with the many challenges that were still ahead. More importantly we would hold tight to the hand of God as he held even tighter to us. We would need this strength because even the best marriages are tested. From pain to medication the challenges would be many on my road to recovery as I made "My Journey."